I write this as I’ve hit a bit of a wall again with my connection to my pup side. I’m wondering what exactly am I trying to do with this journal/journey; is there a point to any of this?
Putting on a hood and role-playing as a humanpup has had me rethink and second-guessing myself – looking at myself from the outside. Seeing established pups out there who look like they have their shit together makes me question myself intensely. Who do I think I am that I can just announce myself as a pup and act as if I’m part of the larger pup community? What is it that makes me pup? My first post saying hello! was positive and excited, and a now a reminder to myself why I started this. You see, we tend to forget. Life can be overwhelming at times. We lose ourselves.
There is so much variety of human pup activities, styles and unofficial labels out there such as insta pups, hard core pups, pup pups and I’m still learning who’s all out there, and the Hows and Whats of it all.
Do I need all the gear and latest fashion just to be considered a pup? My mind is filled with fluff and doubts; ‘I’m not a model..’ ‘ ..no longer young..’, ‘..female..’ and etcetera (please note these are the thoughts of a human mind comparing self to what’s personally perceived as *considered as the accepted norm* in a social environment).
Following social media such as Instagram and Twitter among others has opened my mind and horizons. Our imagination truly is our only limit. An idea suggested to me in starting off was to (safely) try out similar activities in posts by other pups, to see if it fits my character, personality and/or style. I’m still exploring what exactly fits me, along with the questions, ‘How do I know if I fit in?, where do I fit in?’
Chatting to online pups, and following the online discussions between pups, I very much do feel like a little pup in a big world. When I first started this project, I thought it may be a travelling journal, exploring our beautiful country to share with others – then Coviid-19 pandemic hit and paused all travels. And yet, the journey keeps going.
This got me pondering (a pondering puppy is a curious puppy and adventure usually follows where curiosity goes) – so which world exactly is a little pup exploring?
The travels continue to be global even if we are still pups-at-home. It took me a while but I’ve begun to realise that for me and perhaps others out there, the exploration has gone beyond global and straight into space.
The first thing one tends to hear about pupplay is the headspace ( Pupspace – ‘the mindset that a person goes into when they absorb themselves into puppy play as a pup’). How do I get into pupspace, especially on those days when I can’t feel it? And how to stay there??
For me, the vulnerability to just be in the moment that pup brings can be both unsettling and exciting. Pup feelz is in my core. It’s the energy inside that translates to pupping. If I can get over myself and all that hooman drama from the mind, this pup feelz is welcoming no matter who, what or where as long as I’m just decent and myself in that moment, in my body.
I’m reminded of the nursery rhyme:
What are little boys made of?
What are little boys made of?
Snips and snails
And puppy-dogs’ tails
That’s what little boys are made of
What are little girls made of?
What are little girls made of?
Sugar and spice
And everything nice
That’s what little girls are made of
What are pups made of? If girls have the sugar and the boys have the tails what’s left for a pup?
Moments. Those burst of moments of Adventure.
Of excitement.
Of joy.
Of connection, be it a sniff, a chase, a cuddle or new friends.
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Update – April 2021
Wrote the above and then came across this positive episode on the podcast. Very much needed, and feeling so appreciative. Awruff!