I still don’t quite know what triggers me into pupspace yet. A friend and I were invited into a low, wide cage when we showed curiosity. I wasn’t going to play, it was just a testing out.
Once in the cage, we were having fun with human giggles and jibes, and the next moment I started biting. I wanted to play, and was thrilled when she started biting back as a pup. I was still in control as human but when she gave the go ahead to go pup, saying ” No words, no hands”, I relaxed. I was in play mode, nipping lightly on her skin and enjoying her squeals. I tried to encouraged her to have fun too by ‘inviting’ her to play, using the position with front paws low and bum high. It was a playful and fun moment to share with a friend.
However, this was where I found out that I am highly competitive. I had the upper paw as I was smaller and flexible enough to move around in the cage. Using this advantage, I kept nipping and biting. Each of us biting the other harder as we continued. There was still a form of observing in the background of my mind, and I could still assess where to bite her safely on legs, bum and arms. At one stage, when my paw was across her chest and neck to keep her down, I monitored myself to do it safely, listening to her feedback responses in yelps and whines. I didn’t want to hurt her, I wanted to play. There was still some level of control between the two us inside the cage.
Until something interfered from the outside. Becoming tired and already feeling frustrated, I couldn’t understand the image and sounds. It was my handler trying to get my attention, he wasn’t happy. As I turned to him trying to focus properly, she bit me. Hard – on the jaw. An accident yet she held on, giving it all she got at that point. And I think that’s when I lost my cool. At this point there’s no more words, only feelings. Pain. Tired. Frustration. Tight. Pain. Furious. And then – Out.
We relaxed back into human words and standing, while laughing and joking about this curious turn of events. I admit that I was shocked, looking at the bite marks on my friend’s body. Honestly, I didn’t find that funny. The bite marks she had given me only blossomed a couple days later. Overall, it was a good play and we both agreed that, the next time, we would have better planning for outside play. I fully agree with the concept of better planning especially when it comes to consent and negotiation. Processing all of this, it’s been a month since the play, and I’m finally writing it out now. I am so grateful for Daddy who kept an eye the whole time and stepped in when he felt it was needed.
This turned out to be my first pup play, and it was frightening how quickly things got primal.
I realise now that I can either chose to focus on the fear of the apparent loss of control or I can learn from a wonderful new experience in a safe space with friends. Other than remembering the negotiation needed before any play situation, even if it’s just a curiosity, I came away with the following:
**We chose how we respond in the moment – I am still in charge of my actions and reactions regardless whether as hooman or pup, in any situation.
**Biting – I bite. It’s something I do as pup whether I’m playful or mad. Warning others upfront about bad habits is a courtesy. This is something I’m aware of enough not to not let get out of hand. (A work in progress).
** Pupspace – identifying the switch/trigger. I don’t need gear to get into headspace, it’s more for others to identify me as pup. With this cage example, there was no plan for pup play. At the moment, pupspace seems to be when I’m on all fours for some length of time and getting charged up as pup with playful attitude.