Boundaries establishes a safe and comfortable space for me to be me. Recharging and some basic self-care in the form of time and space is an important part of who I am.
Pupspace allows for me to switch off the human mind busy-ness of everything that’s not in the moment of here and now. I tend to have an anxious nature and stress too easily from work life. My hackles rise quickly if I feel threatened in any way. In BDSM culture, the importance of limits, boundaries and negotiation is taken seriously.
Going back to basics, it’s a good idea to have a check in every so often to keep on track. I’m relooking at the definitions as defined by the Dictionary:
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1.Boundary
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a line which marks the limits of an area; a dividing line.
“a county boundary”.
When googling “bdsm boundary meaning“, rather a lot of information is available.
I came across Your BDSM Essentials: Boundaries, which gives a nicely detailed breakdown, including that of “limits”.
2. Limit
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a point or level beyond which something does not or may not extend or pass.
“the failure showed the limits of British power”
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a restriction on the size or amount of something permissible or possible.
“an age limit”.
3. Negotiation
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discussion aimed at reaching an agreement.
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I’ve been part of BDSM community just a little over 5 years now, and I’m still learning how to integrate these important lessons from play into my everyday life. Adding the new dimension of pupspace, has brought home how important it is to actively live this awareness in most moments I find myself. Pup enjoys lighthearted fun and bringing happiness by silly fun such as rolling over and giving ‘boops’. I also like to be helpful but do not enjoy that that good-naturedness be taken advantage of.
I appreciate the fact that we don’t live in boxed labels. I also realise that there’s a fine line between various headspace at any given moment. And the transitioning between can be delicate if I’m not fully present with the intention of where I am. In a world where I don’t usually feel in control, I’m reminded that I do have control over who or what I allow into my space. Whether play or vanilla life.
This makes communication so important, such as speaking up when something doesn’t quite agree. Negotiation discussions about where my boundaries and limits are helps to establish my safe space at any given time. Once all parties are clearly aware of expectations and no-go areas, we can move forward with confidence and intention. And no; bribery with cookies is not negotiation.
Your BDSM Essentials page highlights this important aspect:
“When we honor one another’s boundaries and consent, we demonstrate respect and care for each other.”
Taking this further, I believe that this is important to apply to our own self first, to ensure healthy boundaries and consent with others.